June 2010
3 posts
Sooner or later you'll be hit by a bus tomorrow. ...
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The blond girl reached Google’s top 25 most-searched items on the night she died. (Google lets you know when you’ve searched one of them.) In the wee hours, I Googled her name, in order to put to rest a rumor that she had died. Rest hardly came. CHICAGO — Blond girl squashed. Black ‘n white on breaking news. My reaction set in gradually. I...
Sooner or later you will be hit by a bus tomorrow....
Just what I could finish tonight.
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I was just a teenage kid sitting in the back room of a restaurant-bar watching an adult show that passed for appropriate only because its means of communication involved mostly spoken-word performance, which was literary. A handful of teachers from my school were scattered around the place, boozing up and...
1 tag
A simple desultory sine qua non
He kissed me, and I gripped tight for a ride. He moved in, took me, and for a single suspended instant, pure unadulterated brilliance shot through my brain: “HE’S FROM CRAIGSLIST!” Um. “ABORT!” Soon my morals tumbled shockingly farther… “BOYFRIEND.” (Blinks.) “YOUR BOYFRIEND! YYOWZZZAHH!” After a brute conquering of its compelling, my conscience fell ironically and poorly by the wayside of the...
May 2010
16 posts
2 tags
Reasons not to hate journalists
1st note — Alaska is a top-consuming state of SPAM.
2nd note — One Alaskan Editor-in-Chief loves to bike.
Senior editor: Hey! You could use that instead of the energy goo you squeeze into your mouth. (Gesturing.)
EIC: What? SPAM?
Senior Editor: (Stops gesturing.) Mhm. Nothing like a mouth full of salty meat! (Raises an eyebrow, then a hand over her mouth. Pauses. Snickers.)
(Conference room erupts. Journalists lose it. Senior Editor turns red.)
EIC: (turning to Intern) Maybe we could work out some sort of a deal. I'll write good things about you for your professors and you'll never talk about all of this.
Intern: What happens in Alaska,...
EIC: Exactly.
4 tags
Airlines
★★★★★ AeroMexico
+ Laudable customer service
+ Extremely lax carry-on scrutiny
+ No baggage fees (2 carry-on, 1 checked)
+ Meal service includes complimentary Johnny Walker (multiple labels), wine, etc.
+ On time flights, generally
~ Spanish fluency advised, even in US terminals
★★★★☆ Southwest Airlines
+ Excellent customer service
+ No baggage fees (1 carry-on, 2 checked)
- No...
1 tag
Nonsensical
Him: (examining clock) Do you know why this is making music?
Me: Your clocks are always making noise.
Him: But it's supposed to chime, not sing.
6 tags
The Beneficence of Beer
As the last whore ass giving show to Serendipity 3 slipped out of my view and ostensibly its skirt, I fished for a purpose: Eaten? — Check. Gambled? — ‘Betcha. Drunk? — What, noon already? Not enough. Al Surname suddenly appeared at my side eating a carton full of hotdog. Surname had removed his black sunglasses. He ate, observed, and finally lit those naked eyes on me: “Are you bored?” ...
5 tags
Big Guns
Does Junior have the Right To Bear Arms?
Wouldn’t this result chthonically…
Old buildings attract hosts of seasonal tenants...
Alaska's Semipro Football Team? →
Practices indoors if it exists. With an “unkown” number of players and neither coach nor owner.
6 tags
5 tags
Sunrise happens every 1.5 hours in space, so...
Wann'it back, Pt. 1
His shirt is open where the body hairs curl. I’d like to pull them, but his unbearable civility renders that fantasy cruel.
— Mine. His eyes are tip-toeing over my body.
— Not yours.
— MINE.
— A little yours goddammit.
6 tags
Keret's "Phenomenal Hard-Ons" →
Worth reading: Etgar Keret’s tiny short-stories.
4 tags
Toujours Ivre
My mouth still tastes like the debauchery of Vegas, thus a poetic synopsis of my state of being is in order:
“Enivrez-Vous” Charles Baudelaire
Il faut être toujours ivre, tout est là ; c’est l’unique question. Pour ne pas sentir l’horrible fardeau du temps qui brise vos épaules et vous penche vers la terre, il faut vous enivrer sans trêve. Mais de quoi? De vin,...
3 tags
Welcome to the Labyrinth.
Blog dedicated to Melloe from hence forth.